The Single Life: My Fear of Being Single

One of the greatest struggles I have had as a single Christian woman is with a fear that I am alone and will always be alone. I was always afraid that I would grow up to be a “spinster” and live in a house surrounded by a bunch of dogs. (I would have said cats, but I’m allergic to them.) And I was afraid that I would die alone with no one to mourn me.

But as much as I have feared dying alone, I have feared rejection more.

My fear stems from elementary school and my experiences in school, but looking back I can see how I let my fear of rejection put up walls between me and others. And because I have put up those walls I have been creating the very situation that I was also afraid of…that of being alone.

Now I have to explain something to you about my personality…I actually like being alone. I’m an introvert. I like having time to myself, and I feel overwhelmed and frustrated in group settings. If we were to get together for lunch, just me and you, you would find me very friendly and outgoing, but I have never longed to be part of the crowd.

And along the way as I have gotten to know myself better I realized that my fear wasn’t really about being alone. My fear was about being single.

Now some of you are probably scratching your heads and saying, “But aren’t they the same?”

No, they are not.

You see, I have learned that I am never really alone. I have Jesus on my side, and He is all I need. And as long as I have Him I am never alone.

My fears about being single had nothing to do with me being alone. My fears about being single were grounded in my dreams of being a wife and a mother, and my dreams of being a wife and a mother were grounded in my desire to be loved.

I feared that being single meant that I wasn’t loved, that I wasn’t good enough.

I was never one to jump from relationship to relationship. I just wanted that one person to say that I was loved, that one person to say that I was good enough.

But all along, Jesus has been whispering in my ear, “You are loved. You are good enough. You are worth it. You are accepted.”

And when I finally listened, I realized that I don’t have to be afraid of being single. My worth is not found in my marital status. My worth is not found in my job or lack of job. My worth is not found in whether I have children or don’t have children.  My worth is not found in the number of friends I have or how many people come to my home when I invite them.

My worth is found only in Christ. When I accepted Christ as my Savior at the age of 7 years old, I found my worth. Only I didn’t realize it at the time.

But now I realize it, and I can say, “I am loved.”

I can say, “I am worth it.”

I can say, “I won’t settle for less than God’s best.”

I can say, “I want to dream God-sized dreams.”

I can say, “I’m not afraid of being single.”

I can say it because Jesus loves this I know.

“Perfect loves casts out fear.” 1 John 4:18

And Jesus’ love for me is casting out my fears.

And as Jesus casts out my fears, I am able to move past hurts and disappointments and open myself up to community.

I am able to reach out to others because Jesus reaches out to me on a daily basis.

What about you? What are some fears that the Lord is casting out of your life?

Come and link up with me. Share what Christ is doing in you.

TheSingleLife

 

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17 Comment

  1. You are so right, Misty! I can identify!

    1. Thanks, Lauren!

  2. Great post! Besides, I believe we are more important than our martial status. God wants our hearts. A heart that is willing to say not my will but Your will be done Lord. Thank you for sharing your heart here.

    1. Thank you, Starla!

  3. Yes! I relate to everything you say here!

    1. Oh, Laura! Isn’t our Lord amazing?

  4. Misty,
    I could relate to so much of your post, as a fellow introvert and someone who struggles with fear of rejection. You know, when I was in my late teens and early twenties, I thought getting married and having children would validate me. But then I got married and had children and even though those things are wonderful, I still didn’t feel good enough. Something was still missing. And in that hollow space, Jesus showed up.

    But last year, I stopped listening to His voice and started listening to all the other voices around me (including my own) that were saying – you’re NOT good enough. You’re not a good enough mother, wife, friend, writer, etc. I ended up in a very low place listening to those voices. But praise God, once again Jesus is pulling my life back up out of the pit and reminding me of who I am in Him. Your words are such wonderful confirmation.

    Great post, new friend.
    ♥ Tarissa

    1. Thank you, Tarissa! I’m glad that the Lord used my words to confirm how much you are loved in Him.

  5. I love your fearless faith, Misty! Even those who are not single need to hear the confirmation of love that God is whispering close in your ears. Bless you!
    Dawn

    1. Thank you, Dawn! I wish I truly was fearless, but the Lord is working on it.

  6. Lovely words, Misty… About six words in I thought “But Misty isn’t alone, she has Jesus…” And CLEARLY you already know that. Ha.

    Thanks a ton for linking up over at #EverydayJesus. Excited to get to know each other even better via link ups and Twitter.

    1. Thanks, Sharita! And I’m glad you invited me to link up. I’m excited to get to know each other better too.

  7. I love how you explained that. It’s true for a lot of people.

    1. Thank you, Chantea!

  8. Such a great post and one that I can relate to on so many levels Misty.

    1. Thank you, Wanda!

  9. […] The Single Life: My Fear of Being Single by Misty […]

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