I have been thinking about yesterday’s post, and I have realized that all of the questions about what I’m going to do when I’m not needed to take care of my grandmother had confused me.
When people ask me questions, I like to know that I can have an answer ready for them. When I don’t readily have an answer and I have to tell someone that I don’t know (especially when it comes to my life) I feel bad.
But the truth is: I don’t know where God is leading me and what I want to do after I’m no longer her caregiver.
Here is another truth: As well-meaning as the questions are meant to be, it is nobody else’s business right now. Right now it is just between me and the Lord.
Right now I am taking it one day at a time and asking the Lord to show me how He wants to use me.
I’m in the hallway. It’s a waiting period, and I don’t know where this hallway is leading. It’s okay that I don’t know. I’m not supposed to know. God will show me in His timing and in His way.
Right now I know that I am supposed to be doing two things:
1) Taking care of my grandmother
Right now I have to have faith and trust that He will work everything out according to His timetable and His plan.
I have to believe in myself, in Him, and that the answers are there and waiting to be discovered.
I went through a period of my life where I was focused and knew what I wanted and where I was going. I had purpose and vision. I had my life mapped out before me, and it all fell apart. Even after it fell apart, I kept trying to put the pieces back together by myself and stubbornly clung to the path I had chosen.
Here is the greatest difference between then and now: Then I was trying to do it all on my own. I was trying to make it happen. Now I am totally dependent upon God and His direction. Now I’m letting Him take the reins and I’m no longer doing it on my own. I’m doing it with Him.
So while I don’t have all the answers, it’s okay. I know the One who does, and I know that He will reveal them in His timing.
In the meantime, I’m gonna have a little fun in the hallway.