I remember when I was little girl, the first time someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I said that I wanted to be a cheerleader. As I grew up the answer to that question changed frequently. I have wanted to be an astronaut, the President, a veterinarian, a zoologist, and many other things.
At one point in my life though, all of that changed, and I decided that I wanted to become a teacher. From that point forward that became my goal. I didn’t take the direct route of going to school and studying. I didn’t want to teach in the public school. I wanted to teach preschool, and at that time you didn’t have to have any training to teach preschool. But the longer I worked teaching preschool the more I realized my need for training (and I’m talking about more than 12 in-service hours that were required by the state every year) so I decided to go back to school and I earned my degree in child and family development. It took me a while to get it because I would alternate school full-time/work part-time with work full-time/school part-time. I continued working in early childhood education until 2 years ago.
Two years ago, I made a decision that has changed my life. I decided to leave the field of early childhood education. I love children and working with them has brought much joy to my life, but I wasn’t satisfied anymore. I was burnout, stressed out, and under increasing pressure, not to do what was right for the children, but to conform to what the government and my supervisors believed was the “perfect preschool teacher.”
According to many people in my life, I am having an early mid-life crisis. (Although since the average life span is between 70-80 years technically this is mid-life.) Since leaving the field of early childhood, I have attempted to start my own online business, and then began assisting my grandmother.
Assisting my grandmother has given me the opportunity to get to know myself better and explore different aspects of who I am. I have been able to write and develop this blog. I have been able to spend more time creating, photographing, cooking, reading, and enjoying life more.
But assisting my grandmother is just a temporary situation, and lately people have begun asking me what I am going to do when I am no longer taking care of my grandmother.
And my answer, “I don’t know.”
I have all these dreams and ideas floating around in my head. There are many things that I would like to try, and I am learning new skills every day. But I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
I was discussing it with my mother the other day, and she said to just pick one thing and stick with it. I am still having trouble deciding.
I’m stuck, and the Lord is showing me that it is time to become unstuck and start to live more deliberately.
“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9 ESV)
“Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.” (Proverbs 16:3 ESV)
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11 ESV)
While I know that I can’t plan every detail of every minute of my life, it is time to start focusing on finding what my unique purpose and calling is and to start living it.
Do you struggle with finding and understanding your purpose? Do you long for more of something in your life but aren’t sure what?
Won’t you join me as I learn to become more intentional and to live life deliberately?
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