I am a people-pleaser. I love making other people happy, but I have twisted and turned myself inside out at times to please others. I have tried to reshape myself into someone else in order to make them happy. Eventually I give up on trying and usually on the relationship because it didn’t seem to matter what I did.
I’m at my worst when it comes to working for someone else. I’m always trying to be the perfect employee and get along with everyone and then somewhere along the way it backfires. (And usually I end up being accused of something that I didn’t do. Not that I really was the perfect employee by any means, but it seemed like the things I got in the worst trouble for were things that I wasn’t doing wrong.)
But I digress.
Stop doing it. Just stop.
People-pleasing is about trying to make it easier on other people by being someone that you are not.
When you are trying to please others, you are attempting to make yourself into who you think that other person wants you to be. You are not defining yourself by God’s design for you.
Your boyfriend loves Chinese food, but you hate it. You get Chinese anyway.
Your best friend is always picking romantic comedies when you go to the movies, but you really want to see the latest sci-fi.
You want to go to the Renaissance Festival, but your family wants to just stay at home and watch TV.
You try and fit in and do what you think that they want. You don’t say “no” when someone asks you to do something.
You think that if you keep being nice and make them happy then eventually they will recognize that you have needs and desires too and they will want to make you happy in return.
But it doesn’t work like that.
In my experience the more that you attempt to change who you are in order to please somebody else the more unlikely you are to please anybody.
Now I’m not saying that we need to be selfish and always have things our way. It is good to put the needs of others before your own needs, but don’t be a doormat. Don’t let them walk all over you. Make time for you and most of all remember this:
The only one that you need to worry about pleasing is the Lord.
And He is pleased with you just as you are.
Getting to know Him better will change you, but it won’t change you into someone else. It will change you into the person He designed you to be.
When you let go of the people-pleasing, you let God define you. You let Him show you who He is and who you are in Him.
When you let go of the people-pleasing, you start getting to know the masterpiece that God created in you.