For most of my life, I’ve felt like I’ve been standing on the outside looking in. I’ve never really felt like I fit in anywhere and never really felt welcome anywhere. Oh, people smile and say “hi” when they see me, but rarely does anyone take the time to stop and actually talk to me. At church dinners or other large group functions, I’m usually one of those people who seem to float from group to group looking for one person to just invite me to sit down and join them. I’m “friends” with everybody and yet friends with nobody. I dislike small talk and no matter how much I practice I’m just no good at it.
To most people I seem to be forgettable, out of sight and out of mind, unless they need me for something. I’m the first person they will call if they need a babysitter, but the last person they will call for a night on the town. Granted…I don’t really like nights on the town so I’m usually okay with that, but I do like lunches & dinners with friends or shopping or the movies so it hurts when I’m not included.
I prefer one-on-one time to group situations and I love interacting with people on a deeper level. I’m curious about people and enjoy being around them, but I need lots of alone time also.
I’m a walking contradiction. I love structure and routine, but also love to be spontaneous. I love who I am, but have never really accepted who I am. I love the quiet, but will play my music up too loud. I’m self-controlled but at the same time very emotional.
There are sides to me that I’ve never shown anyone, and there are sides to me that are only revealed to certain people. And then there is the mask that I show to the rest of the world.
And I’ve spent my life searching for that one person who is willing to get to know me and try to understand me and who will challenge me and help me grow. I’ve been searching for that one person who would place me first, that one person whom I could call home.
And the funny thing is…He has been here all along.
Oh, this isn’t a new discovery. This is something that I’ve known for awhile, something that can be easily taken for granted. It is a discovery that can easily go unnoticed as we live our daily lives.
But that one person that everybody searches for has been next to us all along.
He was there yesterday. He is there today, and He will be there tomorrow.
He offers us love that is unconditional and unfailing. He is just waiting for us to turn, to look and to accept what He did for us. He turns the outcast into the chosen. He turns the ugly into the beautiful. He washes us clean and makes us whole.
As we head into Passion Week, let us keep Him at the forefront of our hearts and minds. Let us come to Him with thanksgiving and praise, and let us worship Him.