Welcome Back to the BarnPrincess!

Nine years ago I started a blog on BlogSpot called The BarnPrincess. When I started the blog I thought that it would be something fun to do. It was just meant to be a hobby, a way to be creative, share recipes and crafts, and encourage other single Christian women. I started it with no clear direction. Just a desire to share recipes, DIY’s and my faith. I thought other women are doing it so why can’t I?

Well, sharing my faith and sharing my life took over the blog. Mainly because I was terrible about planning ahead for recipes and DIY’s. Every day for nearly four years, I wrote and I blogged before I hit a wall.

I wasn’t suffering burnout, but my focus had turned from my relationship with God to myself, to everything I had sacrificed to move back in with my parents so I could take care of my grandmothers. My focus turned to comparison and envy because I felt like I was working so hard on the blog and taking care of my grandmothers and I felt like no one cared. I was sharing the posts of other bloggers that I enjoyed reading, but I had very few people who were sharing mine.

Comparison wasn’t only restricted to my blogging. I was constantly comparing my life to my cousins’ lives, to the lives of other singles, and my family. I wanted to know when it was going to be my turn–when someone was going to start sharing my blog posts, when my family would recognize what I doing for them and what it was costing me to do it, when I was going to be able to travel, when I was going to be able to have that I had spent my life dreaming about.

All of this comparison led to feelings of hypocrisy, envy, anger, and some bitterness (especially towards my family). I become discouraged and depressed. Many days I wouldn’t leave my bed or room except to take care of my grandmothers’ needs. I stopped cleaning the house. The meals that I prepared went from homemade to convenience cooking. I would stop writing for several months, write for a week or so, and then quit again until I finally just stopped altogether. The blog remained up for a couple of years after that until I finally decided that I wasn’t in any condition emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to continue with the blog.

I knew that before I could continue blogging that I needed to get my heart right with the Lord, but I was depressed and angry so I fought it. I ignored my relationship with God, and I acted like a spoiled child because I was not getting my way and so God let me have my way and I continued on feeling miserable and depressed. Feeling angry with my family, feeling abandoned by my friends, and feeling justified in feeling miserable and depressed. I was self-righteous in my anger and holding on to all of the wrong things.

And I wish that I could say that one day I had an epiphany or some miracle was worked, but it hasn’t been like that. There has been no miraculous turn around. There has just been a slow and painful acknowledgement that I have been wrong, that I have been miserable and depressed and that I only have myself to blame, and that my focus has been on the wrong things and for all the wrong reasons.

I have slowly come to the realization that I need God, not just for what He can give me, but because I am miserable with this separation between us. I need Him every moment, every minute, every hour, & every day. And I need to share Him with the world so I will start again. I will write for Him. I will share my thoughts, my feelings, my talents, and my lessons learned.

I have plans and ideas and restarting The BarnPrincess is just one of them. I’m still working on the plan, but I want this to be a place where all women feel welcome. I want to be what I wanted it to be the first time I started it…a place where I share my faith, recipes, crafts, and even about being a single Christian. I want it to be a place where things can be discussed openly and honestly and with encouragment.

My mission with this blog is to glorify God, to encourage others, and to have fun while doing it so pour yourself a glass of sweet tea and join me on the porch. Let’s get the discussion started. Introduce yourself and tell me where you are from. Let me know what you want to see more of: faith, living single or DIY’s.